Sweeney Clues!
by xlawa
Summary: A short SweeneyTodd/Blues Clues parody. Takes place right after 'Pretty Women'.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just roll with it, rofl. xD**

Anthony: (bursts inside with a violent, unpleasant force) Mr. Todd! Johanna just gave me a key! Now I can help her leave that forsaken prison she resides in and stopped being watched over the same man that you're about to kill! I mean...shit.

Turpin: (blinks) You mean...the key with the blue paw print on it?

Anthony: Well, uh, sure! (pulls out key and points to paw print) Yes, there it is, right there.

Turpin: (jumps out of chair with glee and begins to clap hands in a merry fashion) We found the last clue! You found it! You found it! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

Mrs. Lovett: (scampers upstairs) Bow bow?

Sweeney: (grin) You know what this means...!

Anthony and Turpin: (bouncing around with childlike innocence) THINKING CHAIR!!!

Mrs. Lovett: (chasing her tail) Bow bow bow!

_Anthony and Turpin sit cross-legged infront of the red barber chair, holding lollies and smiling pink-faced._

_Sweeney does a jig, Mrs. Lovett prancing on all fours behind him. Sweeney plops down into his barber chair. A happy tune begins to play._

Sweeney: (singing) We found the last paw print, it's the third clue! We put it in our notebook because their Blue's clues! (leans forward) Who's clues?

Anthony and Turpin: (wide eyed and giggly) BLUE'S CLUES!

Sweeney: (singing) We sit down in our thinking chair and think...think... thi-i-ink.

Mrs. Lovett: (perching herself on Sweeney's shoulder) Bowwww bow bow!

Sweeney: Cause when we use our minds and take a step at a time, we can do ANYTHING...

Mrs. Lovett: (giddy and licking Sweeney's face) BOW BOW!!

Sweeney: (jazz hands) THAT WE WANNA DO!!

_The music abruptly ends and Sweeney kills the three of them._


	2. ALTERNATE ENDING

**I dreamt about this last night.  
Yes. I dream weird dreams.**

**_ALTERNATE ENDING!_**

* * *

(Let's take it back a little bit...)

Sweeney: Cause when we use our minds and take a step at a time, we can do ANYTHING...

Mrs. Lovett: (giddy and licking Sweeney's face) BOW BOW!!

Sweeney: (jazz hands) THAT WE WANNA DO!!

(JUST THEN, Pirelli flies through the air and bursts through the window, tight-panted bulge first. He is simultaneously singing a high C for dramatic effect.)

Sweeney: (pouting and still sporting spirit fingers) How dare you interrupt my jazz hands?

(Pirelli pelvic thrusts himself into the light and reveals that he is a molding immortal corpse. He opens his mouth to speak but is unable; all that comes forth is a piercing, never-ending high C.)

Mrs. Lovett: (jumps off of Sweeney's shoulder and growls) WOOF.

(Sweeney, upset that he isn't the center of attention, clutches his fists in anger. Calmly, he walks over to his teapot, grabs it firmly by the handle and approaches Pirelli from behind.

As a result of Pirelli's singing, Turpin and Anthony have broken out in heaving sobs.)

Sweeney: (again beating Pirelli over the head with the teapot and singing loudly) I AM A PRETTY LITTLE DUTCH GIRL, AS PRETTY AS I CAN BE! AND ALL THE BOYS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD ARE CRAZY OVER MEEEE!

(Turpin and Anthony are happy that there's music again, they clap merrily, enjoying the violence.)

Turpin: (singing) My boyfriend's name is Mellow!

Anthony: (singing along) He comes from the land of jello!

Both: (waltzing with each other around the room) WITH PICKLES FOR HIS TOES AND A CHERRY FOR HIS NOSE...THAT'S THE WAY MY STORY GOES!

(Toby, bursting through the door, shoots Anthony and Turpin with a large rifle.)

Toby: (heaving with agony) SHUT....THE FUCK UP.

(Toby retreats downstairs to watch Bromance.

Sweeney leers over Pirelli's mangled undead body.)

Sweeney: (breathless) _...I has a bucket._

(Passing out, he falls onto his red barbering chair. Unfortunately, the fall was so heavy that he immediately was flung backward to fall through the trapdoor.

He lands with a great thud.)

Sweeney: (barely audible) ..._They be stealing my bucket!_

(Mrs. Lovett, flustered, barks at Pirelli's body and runs around it on hands and knees. She stops after a moment, lifts her leg, and pees on him.)

Mrs. Lovett: Hell to the hell to the _HELL to the NO._


End file.
